The one advantage of the oilburner’s constant rumination is that it serves not to embarrass the Koleos’s rather mediocre chassis. Indeed, the combustive soundtrack of yesteryear chimes rather well with the anachronistic-feeling settings chosen for the car’s suspension. These cause the oversized body to gently loll about under even modest loads.
Broadly speaking, that might have been fine. It’s a constant reminder of the model’s proportions – which large modern crossovers are typically good at concealing; and obvious size and heft can be charming if managed properly, particularly when combined with a indulgent sense of isolation and comfort.
Alas, on standard 19in alloy wheels, the Koleos doesn’t have the cutely damped secondary ride required to make the primary ride seem obliging and organic.
On UK roads, the car takes umbrage at an uneven surface, and even though the wheels are distant enough on the end of their typical spring travel for the ride not to seem overly brittle, the sheer noise produced by each bump is at once considerable and unavoidable. The Koleos thumps its way over broken tarmac, frequently making you hear impacts even when you do not feel them.